All of us need to know how to fight with HONOUR. Learn how you can start doing it today.
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Verse on HONOUR
Philippians 2:2-4 The Message Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Thoughts on How to fight with HONOUR
When I started counselling couples, one of the first activities I had them do was to set up ground rules for fighting. If it was premarital counselling and the couple wasn’t living together the rules were a little airy-fairy. If the couple was in trouble they’d come back with rules, “Only slam the door once when you’re running away from the argument.
It didn’t take me long to develop this tool to give them. I’ve developed it further over time and encourage people to use it with whoever they need to confront about something. This works great to start any difficult conversation.
For couples I now recommend they dance their discussions. Either one can suggest a dance. Neither one can ever deny. Hold each other close, sway to some beat and don’t try to step on each others toes.
For non-married relationships we have tips to how to fight with HONOUR
Tips to How To Fight With HONOUR
Hone in on the topic at hand.
Speak to the situation “This is what you
did/said; this is why I disagree/it upset me.”
Only speak words of life.
Cut out the sarcasm, condemnation and shame.
Name calling and labels are never to be returned.
Resorting to name calling and labels is the same as placing curses on people. Don’t do it to them, even if they started it.
Operate in the present.
Avoid saying, “You always” and “You never”. Both are untrue and are used to simply cause pain. If you’re physically present with the person, look at them in the eye and don’t turn your back to them.
Understand the other person.
Listen to what they are saying. Reflect back what you think you hear and see. When they agreed you hear them, continue on.
Resolve the argument.
It’s OK to disagree. Allow them the right to hold their own opinion. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t bring the argument up with others to rally support or curry pity; continue to honour the person. Remember it’s your job to choose to forgive and choose to bless.
Can I pray for you?
Holy Spirit thank you that you’ll give us the words to say whenever we need them. Thank you Jesus you’ll give us your love when we need more. Thank you Father you give us wisdom when we ask. Please be with those who are watching this because they need to confront someone about something. Help them to speak truth in love. Amen.
Next Step
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Carpe Vitae!