How can you feel like you’ve forgiven? Have you ever decided to forgive but didn’t feel like you really forgave? You might have been able to choose to forgive and even bless those who cursed you, but what do your feelings tell you about what you really believe that you've done? Jesus told us to forgive with our whole heart. Learn what that means and how you easily know when you’ve forgiven with your whole heart.
In this message, we explore the only way to truly feel like you have forgiven. Learn practical tips and insights on how to let go of past hurts and move forward with inner peace. Whether you're struggling with personal relationships or seeking emotional healing, this guide will help you navigate the journey of forgiveness. Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe for more content on personal growth and mental health.
Trevor H. Lund is the founder of Live LIGHT Academy at https://livelight.ca/ and the Chief Storyteller at https://revtrev.com He helps you give thanks with your whole heart https://revtrev.link/heart Check out https://revtrev.com/tv for past videos and live casts and https://revtrev.com/radio to subscribe to his podcast wherever you listen.
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I'm praising God because I have not been loopy for the whole last two weeks. I am knocking stuff out of the park, and it's just awesome. Yes, I'm happy. It's one thing to praise God in the middle of the storm, and it's another thing to praise God simply because you want to. It’s nice to be in that place where it’s easy to praise God.
I want to pray for all of you that if you're not in that place, choose to praise God now. But if you are in that place, that's where we all want to be—walking with God in the garden in the cool of the day. It becomes so easy to sing His praises and give Him thanks because He's showing us all the cool things around us. Like, “Oh, isn’t that cool? It’s snowing!” Excellent! Don’t be surprised; it’s November. Last week, Pastor Shawn taught on unity, and one of the tools that God gives us for unity is forgiveness.
Have you decided to forgive, but not feel like you’ve forgiven?
Have you ever had someone or a situation where you thought you had forgiven, but it didn’t feel like you had? If you haven’t, wait; it will come sometime in your life. You’ve made that choice to forgive. You really have. Yet, it’s tough to think about it. You want to avoid that person because it is possible to feel like you've forgiven. It really is. That’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m going to pray now, and then we’ll get into the scripture.
Heavenly Father, I want to thank You for being God. Thank You for Your greatness and thank You, Lord God, for turning all things together for good. Thank You, Lord God, that even what the enemy meant for evil, You will turn around for good. I thank You, Lord God, that lives are being changed today. I thank You, Lord God, that souls are being touched today. And Lord, we commit this all into Your holy and precious name. Amen.
Matthew 18 - Jesus talks about Forgiveness
I'm going to read a little bit more just to give you context in Matthew 18 because it’s something we very rarely teach on, but it’s in the book and we need to know it. Starting at verse 15 of Matthew 18: "If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won't listen, take one or two more with you so that by the testimony of two or three, every fact may be established. If he pays no attention to them, tell the church. But if he doesn't pay attention to even the church, let him be like an unbeliever and a tax collector.
I assure you, whatever you bind on earth has already been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth is already loosed in heaven. Again, I assure you, if two or three of you agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among you."
Let’s Contine...
Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Seven? Is it as many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I tell you, not as many as seven," but "seventy times seven." For this reason, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began to settle accounts, the one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him. Since he had no way to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything be sold to pay off the debt. At this, the slave fell face down before him and said, "Be patient with me and I will pay you everything."
Then the master of that slave had compassion and released him and forgave him the loan. But the slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii.
Forgiveness is costly
Let’s just pause here. A denarius was one day's wages. So 100 denarii was about a third of your salary for the year—this was not an insignificant amount. Some translations say a few thousand dollars; however, in our economy, it doesn’t matter—but it was a significant amount.
He grabbed him and started choking him and said, "Pay me what you owe!"
At this, his fellow slave fell down and began begging, "Be patient with me, and I will pay you back." He wasn’t willing; on the contrary, he went and threw him in prison until he could pay what he was owed. When the other slaves saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. Then after he had summoned him, his master said to him, "You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn't you also have had mercy on your fellow slave as I had mercy on you?"
His master got angry and handed him over to the jailers until he could pay everything that was owed. So my heavenly Father will do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from his heart.
Didn’t know about forgiving with your whole heart
I didn’t know what it meant to forgive with your whole heart until I showed a friend of mine this portion of scripture. I ran into him at church one day; he had a big lump on his head. I asked him what happened, and he hesitantly told me that he was walking down the stairs when a demon tripped him and he fell down the stairs. I was intrigued—what a good story! I found out he had been seeing demons in his house; this was the first time one of them had done something harmful, but he needed help. Could I come help? Sure! No problem!
So Karen and I went over to their house and prayed in the places where he’d seen the demons. It was clear—they were there because they thought they had a legal right to be there. So we went through some things to shut those doors for them. He thought that was a good idea.
Using Steps in Freedom in Christ
We used Neil T. Anderson's steps in "Freedom in Christ." A big part of what Neil does is walk through forgiveness. We got to the point where we normally ask people: Is there anyone you need to forgive? Most people think about it for a while—but not this guy! Right away he said his wife and father without even thinking!
I had to make sure he didn’t mean his wife who was sitting next to him on the couch. No! It was his first wife he was talking about! Okay—that's great! Without finding out more of the story, I decided my wife would stand in for his wife and ask for forgiveness so he could forgive her.
Karen tried to object at that point, saying he should forgive his father first. I said, “Yeah, just do it this way.” You’ve got to listen to your wife—especially if she’s prophetic! Oh my goodness! In about two minutes, I had to step in front of Karen because this guy looked like he was going to jump across the coffee table and strangle her!
I said, "Okay! Time out! Let’s hear the rest of this story; something else is going on here.” What had actually happened was this guy and his wife were part of a Christian organization together. His father had an affair with somebody else in that organization, and a leader in that organization told him: "You do not forgive them until they come and ask for forgiveness." And I thought—oh! Here it is! Matthew!
Let’s read Matthew. I got to the point where it says they’ll be handed over to the jailers—that's what God has done to you! The tormentors—the version I was using at the time called them tormentors—are present because of your unforgiveness.
Should have listened to my wife
Karen piped up again: “He’s not going to be able to trust the Father to forgive his wife unless he forgives his father first.” Brilliant woman—I’m hearing you! Yeah—that makes sense! So I stood in the place of his father and asked for forgiveness while blessing him as a father; then Karen stepped forward as well so he could forgive his father.
It wasn’t easy—it was tough—but eventually he worked through it; it wasn’t as violent as before but he forgave his first wife too. In all the time we knew him afterward, he never saw demons again in his house.
Forgiveness is abostulely critical
Forgiveness is absolutely critical for us. Where are we at? At that time, I didn’t know what it meant to forgive with your whole heart; if I had known—I think we could have helped him a lot more.
What I've learned since is that the Hebrew understanding of heart is that it is not only the seat of our emotions but also the seat of our decisions and actions. I had known all along—or learned—that sometimes people can make the decision to forgive; sometimes we make that decision and feel forgiveness—we feel like we’ve forgiven; we have that peace—we’re done.
Other people can make the choice to forgive but if they don’t bless that person—either verbally or in some safe way—they may never feel like they’ve forgiven them. And then there are others who can make the choice and feel like they’ve forgiven—or not make the choice but still bless someone—and yet never feel like they’ve forgiven.
And I'm not even saying it's only people sometimes—it can be situations we face too! Many times I make a choice and feel forgiveness; other times I have to make that choice and then bless someone before I feel forgiveness; then there are times when I have some junk I need to work through before feeling forgiveness—but eventually I do.
Forgiving with your whole heart
I've learned how to feel forgiveness for every offense. I learned about forgiveness when I was a young pastor—and by young I mean too young—I can't believe what God entrusted to me when I was that young!
One lady came to our church after seeing a sign we put up; whoever put up that sign used pink letters—pink was her favorite color—so she felt God was telling her to come here! Her husband had an affair; he wasn’t a Christian; she found out about it and confronted him—and led him to Christ!
Now she was trying to find a church for him because she didn’t want anything more to do with him—basically in her mind she believed God had forgiven him for his sins—so if she let him off the hook then he would get off scot-free!
We met many times over weeks; finally in one of our last meetings I had a word of knowledge—I knew this was not a blanket statement for everyone—but it was certain for her! I told her if she didn’t choose to forgive her husband within six months she would not believe God existed!
Because when Jesus taught us how to pray He said: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive others.” If we don’t do that—He can't forgive us—and then separation occurs! She was blown away by this; she said she couldn’t believe it—God is the only thing getting her through this—how could she ever not believe God existed?
Another story on feeling like you’ve forgiven
Around that time another lady came into church wearing dark glasses and a hoodie pulled over her head; when she sat in my office she positioned herself against the wall near the window so there would be no line of sight from outside.
She showed me a button she had—that would summon police within two minutes—but her husband was a sharpshooter; she figured he told her he would shoot her from a distance! She was an abused and fragile person. And me—a young pastor—I said: “You know—you’ve got to forgive them.”
Her eyes got big: “I can’t live with them anymore!” “No!” I exclaimed. “Forgiveness and trust are two separate things! Forgiveness is between you and God; trust must be earned! He has lost that right!”
You do not put yourself in harm's way in order for someone else to regain trust—do not do that!
I don’t remember much after that but she made that decision eventually—to forgive—and something changed!
Six months after she had forgiven
Six months later while preaching at church this beautiful lady came in and sat at the back with a huge smile on her face—it was strange—people don’t smile like that for no reason!
Afterward I approached her because I needed to find out why she was smiling so much! About six months after our encounter—I went up alongside her—she jumped up and hugged me! Literally—I said: “Nice to meet you! Have you met my wife?” because I had no idea who she was!
Once she broke the embrace she told me who she was—I couldn’t believe it—she was the same woman who’d been covered up in dark glasses before! She said she was so happy because she testified against her husband—he is going to jail for a long time!
She is now in witness protection—leaving today—but just had come by today because she wanted me to know that when she chose to forgive everything changed.
The ongoing story about forgiveness caught my eye
Then something caught my attention—I turned around and saw the husband of the first woman; he had been attending church this whole time—growing in grace and knowledge of God—part of a care group—and meeting weekly with me!
Before that service he had told me his wife doesn’t believe in God anymore—but he’s going to keep loving her until she does again! Both stories are horrific—but both have happy endings!
Another story about feeling like you’ve forgiven
Another young woman came asking for advice—she wasn’t married but told me she was pregnant; she said she had a friend over for supper who slipped something into her drink—and when she woke up she realized she’d been raped—and now she was pregnant!
She asked if God would forgive her if she had an abortion—to get rid of this child! “You’re asking the wrong question,” I said; “For your sake—and your child’s sake—you need to ask: Can I forgive him?”
I talked with her about forgiveness; she chose forgiveness—but nothing changed right away! Then I asked: “Can you bless him in Jesus’ name? Can you bless whatever goodness he may find? That God would bless him?”
It wasn't an easy prayer—but once done—a big smile came over her face as she said: “I’m going to keep my baby!”
Some time later she sent me a letter with a photograph enclosed—she moved back with her mom—and wrote: “Thank you so much for helping me forgive because this baby is God's blessing!”
With her it wasn’t just making a choice—it required action too!
Follow up on other story about feeling like you’ve forgiven
I should tell you how things ended with that first lady and her husband—we ran into them years later—they invited us over because they wanted us to meet their son!
She eventually chose forgiveness—and when we sat down together it was really strange; she told me: “Trevor—I think you were a little harsh with me back then.”
I replied: “I think you were a little stubborn!”
But we’re still friends—we haven’t seen them in a while.
What feeling forgiveness means to us
Oh my goodness—horrific things can happen—and sometimes people feel they’ve forgiven—but then someone forgets to call me—and suddenly I'm angry again—even though I say: “Okay God—I forgive them,” deep down I'm still upset with them!
It seems feeling forgiven has less to do with harm caused by offense—and more about lies we don’t allow Holy Spirit to heal with truth!
Let me say that again: feeling like we've forgiven has less do with harm from offense—and more about lies we let Holy Spirit heal with truth!
Our heart is where our decisions lie—as well as our actions and emotions—when we forgive—it’s indeed a decision!
Lies we can believe to keep us from forgiving
Sometimes those lies can simply be replaced by truth—let me give some examples:
The lie is: The offender won't pay if I forgive.
- The truth is: Matthew 18:25 states: “So my heavenly Father will also do if you don't forgive your brother from your heart.” If we don’t forgive others—God can’t forgive us—it hurts us!
Another lie might be: "I don't trust God; I won’t let them off the hook."
- The truth is Romans 12:19: "Dear friends never take revenge; leave righteous anger up to God." For scripture says: "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the Lord.
Another lie could be: "I won’t forgive unless they ask for forgiveness."
- The truth is Jesus taught us how we should pray: “Forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”
Another lie might sound like: "I'm not hurting anyone if I don’t forgive."
- Oh did you catch that? In the story read earlier—the king threw the servant in jail until he could pay back all owed—does this make sense?
It hurts everyone if we don’t forgive
It only makes sense if you understand it affects family & friends who must raise money/work hard so he can be released!
Who you don’t forgive affects me! Who I don’t forgive affects you! It matters—it’s not just between me & God—it impacts all of us & generations following!
We have got to forgive!
Another lie could be: "I won’t forgive until I feel like it."
- The truth is Luke 6:45: "A good person produces good things from their heart's treasury while an evil person produces evil things from theirs." What flows out from our heart reveals our true beliefs!
That’s key here—the key is our emotions reveal what we truly believe!
Our emotions tell us what we truly believe
Now here’s good news—some listening now or watching later have heard these verses echoed—and this truth replaces lies—and healing occurs!
Holy Spirit has infused truth allowing some of you say: “I forgive so-and-so for such-and-such” and suddenly feel forgiven—all at once—it’s awesome!
For some situations—that may be enough aligning our whole heart—but our heart also serves as seat of action—which is why prayers spoken as blessings align ourselves with God's heart too.
If safe—we can express appreciation or serve in ways appreciated by those we've hurt—doing this sends raindrops on both righteous & unrighteous alike—as your good Father does for all.
We don’t do these acts solely for their sake—we do them for ours when loving those who’ve wronged us—a blessing shared brings healing!
When doing this—you can say now: “God—I bless so-and-so in Jesus’ name; bless prosperity upon them; bless health unto them!”
What they meant for evil—you’re turning around for good—that's all needed—a simple blessing spoken over them could suffice!
That action might replace lies—with truth allowing Holy Spirit healing—that heart serves as seat of decisions/actions/emotions—we've established.
I've developed tools aiding this process—I’ve used them personally many times—the thing...
Okay—I’m pretty good with most people! However—the thing needing Holy Spirit's help most occurs when someone hurts someone dear—and I'm powerless—instead go before God saying: “What lie am I believing?”
Is it I'm not enough? Is my belief causing doubt He'll take care? What lie?
As I approach Holy Spirit—He reveals what needs healing allowing me eventually feeling I've forgiven.
Use GRACE to feel like you’ve forgiven
The tool is called GRACE—I intentionally use word grace—I won’t tell why—but think you'll figure it out:
G - Get in touch with emotions.
R - Remember feelings associated with past similar events.
A - Accept what feelings reveal.
C - Center upon truth.
E - Examine whether feelings have changed.
That’s all okay? What does this mean?
So G means getting familiarized with emotions—what am I feeling? What feelings arise recalling offense against me? If able name them great! If not ask Lord revealing deeper truths.
R means exploring previous times felt similarly—why does prior event resonate? What belief surfaces?
A means accepting feelings even if wrong—they may feel true—it's not real God left forsaken—you may feel abandoned but His plans prosper—not harm! Whatever Holy Spirit reveals there...
C means centering upon truth—Holy Spirit show actual events occurring—you thought alone when really He carried & led ahead—you may see truth shatter lies held tightly!
Finally E means examining feelings after truth revealed—what feels different now having processed?
So if previously felt pressure recalling offense against self? Now consider why can't feel like I’ve forgiven?
Explore honest thoughts toward individual—is there still pain lingering? If feeling forgiving great—you’re done but if not explore further queries surrounding feelings?
Thank Him revealing truths—is there confession/repentance necessary?
This serves as form aiding feelings toward forgiveness.
Don’t “Forgive God” instead Live unoffended at Him
If needing God’s forgiveness isn’t mentioned specifically within text remember—you needn’t live offended at Him either!
How do live without offense? Know need living unoffended—but feeling offended isn’t reality—use GRACE—to navigate memory needing trust restored or goodness revealed.
If asking forgiveness get heart right first exploring why acted out hurting others using grace tool discovering triggers behind behavior leading needing repentance.
In A Season When People Take Offence
We’re currently amidst seasons where everyone takes offense—a season trying link offense as harm.
If offended thus harmed necessitating restitution—that’s completely wrong—I offend folks constantly while speaking truth yet they desire apologies when holding onto offenses themselves!
Get over yourselves folks—we cannot abide these lies any longer!
But listen—the darker nights bring brighter lights shining forth—we must shine brightly showing God's love amidst unforgiveness held captive within hearts unable functioning freely!
Keep short accounts choosing forgiveness actively blessing those wronging—you’ll find healing follows discovering God's grace anew each day!
Jesus stated—you’ll know truth setting free! Believe Jesus truth revealed through knowing Him ultimately leads toward healing received abundantly!
Conclusion
Will stand together today? In closing—
If Holy Spirit spoke directly today or later viewing online contact us—we’ll help navigate process needed toward freedom achieved together!
If present here today prompted by Holy Spirit remember not leaving without allowing His healing grace flow freely within life!
We can chat distant or closer depending comfort level—not broadcasted ensuring trust remains intact.
Remember don’t leave without seeking freedom today—we were created unto freedom!
Prayer
So Heavenly Father—I speak freedom unto every heart present today—I release every lie believed preventing healing occurring because unhealed truths remain hidden from view within hearts unaware needing restoration sought after fully expressed unconditionally received through grace presented daily before followers seeking forgiveness offered freely without conditions attached whatsoever—
Thank You Lord—you’ve done great work within us promising completion toward wholeness achieved continually flourishing abundantly radiating through lives touched around us daily revealing hope restored life ignited within darkest corners existing within hearts seeking light shining bright throughout our lives illuminating paths walked forward boldly embracing future full grace received freely given unconditionally poured forth liberally upon lives surrounding—
You’re too many bound by offense today—we speak directly spirit offenses go forth name Jesus releasing every burden held captive causing divisions amongst brethren hindering growth experienced together walking unity reflecting light shining brightly illuminating paths forward leading toward hope renewed life restored fully embracing grace received freely given unconditionally welcomed extended unto others reflecting kindness displayed freely encountered daily—
May know goodness Lord reign fully alive land living experiencing fullness joy dwelling eternal presence continually experienced leading forth life abundantly lived out each day reflecting hope restored life continually experienced walking alongside those journeying homeward through presence Holy Spirit guiding hearts navigating trials faced while ensuring peace reigns supremely within hearts gathered here today united together purpose serving faithfully sharing love extending grace unto others reflecting kindness displayed graciously throughout lives touched forevermore—
In name Jesus praying boldly believing receiving answers swiftly provided according perfect will glorifying Father ultimately bringing honor glory unto Him forevermore—
Amen! Amen! You may be seated.